Defining Anger

Anger is a feeling that tells you that you are hurt and don’t want to be hurt. It is about what you don’t want. When you learn not to react to anger and look at it as a mirror, it identifies what you do want.The “gift of anger” is to be able to go after what you want instead of fighting with what you don’t want.

An anger problem is any anger-related behavior (verbal, physical, or emotional) that is hurtful to you or someone else.

Did you know:

• Anger is a healthy feeling
• Anger serves a constructive purpose and has a healthy message
• Anger can tell you what you don’t want
• Anger can tell you when, how and in what ways you are hurt
• Anger can tell you how deep that hurt is
• Anger can tell you how to heal that hurt

Anger knows no gender

Both men and women have anger problems. Anger is a real feeling that tells you that you are hurt. If you don’t know how to recognize when you are hurt, your energy grows unaware. If you get to a point where you act instead of think, you have mismanaged your anger.

Getting Stuck

When you have an anger problem, getting stuck in your anger leads you to blame and punish others for your pain. Once you have reacted to anger, you have allowed your feelings to control you. This could lead you to behaviors you never would have done if you were making rational choices.

You have no right to put your attitude on anyone. You probably know that, and you probably feel pretty bad about what you may have said or done.

• The problem is not that you are wrong
• The problem is not that you were angry
• The problem is that you were out of control

Feeling Safe

People feel safe around those they respect and trust. It is not safe to be around somebody who breaks the rules of respect and takes his or her emotions out on others.

• Anger that is aggressive, passive, depressive, or manipulative is likely to be destructive and hurtful
• Anger problems usually keep getting worse until they are addressed, responsibility is taken, and the behavior is changed